Feeling like a David (if I can have the honor of saying that)

Psalm 23

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for you are with me. 

Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. 

     God, I've read this so many times. Again? 

Wait. That's a thesis statement - "I shall not be in want."

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

     You've sure been doing that to me this week. With Dad in Africa for work, and Mom so sick she can barely be out of the house for an hour, you are definitely making me lie down. In pushing me to face a resemblance of my greatest fear, my parents dying, I'm practically in a casket with my arms crossed. 

IN GREEN PASTURES

     Wait, not a casket?

He leads me beside quiet waters.

     God, I'm worn, and you know all my complaints which cause me to see these waters as more turbulent than still.

...

Remember your retreat?

     Yes, oh God, it feels like it was a month ago.

Recall the passion in my sanctuary with the jumping and singing. Remember the tranquility and my being in the morning prayer, with your brothers and sisters in Christ in a circle praying for one another. Look back on the vulnerability and openness in cabin time. Remember I am always.

...

You restore my soul.

     You are restoring my soul. Let me not be in want. 

He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. 

     Thank you for giving me the energy and focus to keep awake and energized while we sit together. Thank you for giving me enough energy to do some more chores that need to be done. Let me not be in want.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me.

     Help me to not fear anything - death, sickness, distance, evil; let me be assured that nothing else in all creation can separate me from you, and that in you, I shall not be in want.

You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies.

     Enemies? Fear. Doubt. Anxiety. Unworthiness. God, nothing can rip me from you, so let me feel you being with me. Thank you for overcoming all of these and more, for showing me I am more than these and am worthy to eat the yummy food while they can't. 

You anoint my head with oil.

You remind me of all of the sacrifices you made for me, and you approve of me. You give me the privilege of being able to represent you and shine your light. 

My cup overflows.

And to know that your love surpasses all knowledge - that I may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God - that is, you flood me over.

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever; therefore, 

I shall not be in want.

Psalm 23:2

Psalm 23 - "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."

I got upset when I read this. Don't worry, it wasn't the whole chapter; it was only five words. "He makes me lie down." Might I rephrase this? "He forces me to be still." 

As lazy as I am, I realize that I'm not very good at just "being." I relish efficiency, and most times being still is just not something that I do. On the flip side, I see the need to realize that God's power enables me to find comfort in "being." In my state of abiding in Him, I can finally see myself and see something. No longer is my reflection an image of decay in the absence of good - a lack of beauty, faith, hope, and love. But instead, there's a person who's cherished, held, cared for, loved, understood, and ultimately His. It's a relief to not have to see the lack of what could be, but conversely be able to see what's already there - what is being.

And with that, I have to be thankful that He would force me to be still to understand the sovereignty of His plan of having me "abide" in Him - to understand that He is not a part of me, but that I am a part of Him, and apart from Him, I can do nothing.

The Debilitating Disease of Sin

I'm sick. 

I rolled out of bed at 12:30 to take my temperature and see my 101.5° fever.

I hate being sick.

But like having insomnia, being sick also gives me more time to spend in the Word. I've been trying to go through the Pentateuch, and I'm currently in Numbers. In the passages that I read, I consistently see the pride and ungratefulness that the Israelites give God, and how awful it is to be in that place. 

In sickness, I realize that while I don't feel all that bad, it still affects me in that during this time, I can't make a lot of progress with my day because all I want to do is lie in bed. I also perceive outward stimuli with a skewed view in that it's currently 80° in my house, but I'm wearing a long sleeve shirt and sweats. And I can't go anywhere because I'm contagious. It's a frustrating process to be mired and confined by all of the proceeding reasons.

Then I realize the blessings of being sick. While I abhor being sick, I realize why he designed our bodies to respond to foreign stimuli in these ways. Sin and sickness affect different areas of your life, but they affect them identically. In sin, I can't make any progress with my growth in the Lord because I come to Him a prideful sinner trying to be with a holy God. I can't read my Bible with an open heart or give any kind of worship to Him because I'm still broken. I look at things around me with a distorted perception because I look at the world through the eyes of the law and punishment instead of love. Additionally, sin is contagious, and if I try to get others to partake in the same sin, I just feel worse. 

However, the light at the end of the tunnel is that if I take the medicine of calling on the Lord, I am healed and am able to see all of the ways in which he's saved me. When I'm in a sorry state, I realize how much I need Him and how weak I am on my own. You never know what you have until it's gone. Until you have a sore throat, you didn't know how blessed you are to have one that doesn't hurt. And with this corrected view, I better understand God's sovereignty and goodness.