Mountains and valleys
Cut across boundless sky
The Creator's expression
Of His vast design
Created and fitted -
Marvelously made
To bound water and springs -
Sustenance You gave.
Together all people,
At last, could be saved
For in Christ, our Savior,
The valleys You raised
Returned gold to dust
And smoothed out rugged ground
That for Jew and the Gentile
Your grace would abound.
Not on high mountains
Nor Jerusalem's walls
Must man go to worship
Before the throne fall.
God uplifts weary sinners
The blind receive light.
With the Spirit dwelling in you,
Unsheathe sword for the fight!
Praise be to the everlasting God
So vast He weighs mountains on scales.
Psalm 104
Isaiah 40
John 4:9-24
John 8:12
Ephesians 6:17
Saturday, August 25, 2018
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Reluctant Star-Gazing
Will you free these hands of mine
Before these bones return to dust
And still the hands of time
To whisper secret words of love
Our beginning and our end
Amen.
Jae Jin - Amen
"Come, let's see the stars."
"No."
"But you love seeing them with me."
"Quite frankly, I'm running from you. I'm angry with you. I don't want to turn to you."
"Come. It will be nice. I'll show you."
My feet, turning beneath me, leading me away from where I had intended to go, and redirecting me to find a quiet and dark place outside to see the stars and bask in the wonder of their creator, I'm wondering how my feet are moving, following the beckoning in my heart despite the raging chaos dictating that I go back to my room and promptly fall asleep to forget this miserable day even happened.
Yet, still we walk.
"I'm actually really quite mad at you."
"I know. But I will follow you, even as you walk out on me."
"Could I be loved that much?"
We continue through parking lots with a lot of light pollution. While I'm deeply annoyed at the longer walk it takes in order to find a darker place to see the stars, I suppose I have to be grateful that the campus I live on has well-lit parking lots.
A bit further ahead, there is a spot in the grass that I can't see very well. Perfect, that indicates a lack of irritating blinding lights like the parking lot. I sit in the field of some grass and stare at the twinkling stars and get a chance to appreciate their beauty before feeling a dampness beneath me. Of course I picked a spot that probably had the sprinklers on it a couple of hours ago. Wanting to lie down but afraid of feeling water seep through my clothes, I try to lie on my backpack. Uncomfortable. I finally concede to fully embracing the dampness of the grass, lying on my back.
"Wow, you can actually see more than three stars?"
"It's nice, now, isn't it?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Find rest."
I relax and stare into the night sky, realizing that I can actually see small clusters of stars and parts of a couple constellations. Trying to recall the most recent time when we had spent time resting under the stars together, I realize it had been almost half of a year since we had last done this.
"You really cherish me enough to follow me as I walk out on you?"
"This is my relentless pursuit for your heart. I won't stop until you feel my love."
"Then where was it two hours ago when I was having anxiety over my physics test? An hour ago while having the hardest conversation I've had with my mom in a long time? Where have you been at all?"
"And when did your memory start failing you? I've been here, you just hate to acknowledge my plans look different from yours, and then you freak out, trying to put everything back in the order you have decided upon. When will you finally let go?"
Alone, I'm left in disrepair
Take my soul I'll lay it bare
Before You.
But I come alive as I let go.
Our scars collide as only You could show.
Through this violent peace, I'll soar
With You
Have broken my heart to save me.
Jae Jin - "Chemo Song"
Before these bones return to dust
And still the hands of time
To whisper secret words of love
Our beginning and our end
Amen.
Jae Jin - Amen
"Come, let's see the stars."
"No."
"But you love seeing them with me."
"Quite frankly, I'm running from you. I'm angry with you. I don't want to turn to you."
"Come. It will be nice. I'll show you."
My feet, turning beneath me, leading me away from where I had intended to go, and redirecting me to find a quiet and dark place outside to see the stars and bask in the wonder of their creator, I'm wondering how my feet are moving, following the beckoning in my heart despite the raging chaos dictating that I go back to my room and promptly fall asleep to forget this miserable day even happened.
Yet, still we walk.
"I'm actually really quite mad at you."
"I know. But I will follow you, even as you walk out on me."
"Could I be loved that much?"
We continue through parking lots with a lot of light pollution. While I'm deeply annoyed at the longer walk it takes in order to find a darker place to see the stars, I suppose I have to be grateful that the campus I live on has well-lit parking lots.
A bit further ahead, there is a spot in the grass that I can't see very well. Perfect, that indicates a lack of irritating blinding lights like the parking lot. I sit in the field of some grass and stare at the twinkling stars and get a chance to appreciate their beauty before feeling a dampness beneath me. Of course I picked a spot that probably had the sprinklers on it a couple of hours ago. Wanting to lie down but afraid of feeling water seep through my clothes, I try to lie on my backpack. Uncomfortable. I finally concede to fully embracing the dampness of the grass, lying on my back.
"Wow, you can actually see more than three stars?"
"It's nice, now, isn't it?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Find rest."
I relax and stare into the night sky, realizing that I can actually see small clusters of stars and parts of a couple constellations. Trying to recall the most recent time when we had spent time resting under the stars together, I realize it had been almost half of a year since we had last done this.
"You really cherish me enough to follow me as I walk out on you?"
"This is my relentless pursuit for your heart. I won't stop until you feel my love."
"Then where was it two hours ago when I was having anxiety over my physics test? An hour ago while having the hardest conversation I've had with my mom in a long time? Where have you been at all?"
"And when did your memory start failing you? I've been here, you just hate to acknowledge my plans look different from yours, and then you freak out, trying to put everything back in the order you have decided upon. When will you finally let go?"
Alone, I'm left in disrepair
Take my soul I'll lay it bare
Before You.
But I come alive as I let go.
Our scars collide as only You could show.
Through this violent peace, I'll soar
With You
Have broken my heart to save me.
Jae Jin - "Chemo Song"
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Spinach and Judgment
One of my favorite meals to make is a spinach and cheese omelette - so yummy! I had decided to cook it today, but when I reached in the bag to take out my spinach, I realized that most of it had turned bad.
Upon seeing the slime of sour spinach and having to throw most of it away, I thought to myself, "Poor spinach, it wanted to be in my tummy, but now its only fate is to be put in the trash."
Then it got me thinking.
Is this how God feels when He has to judge people after they've died?
Yes, I know this is a leap from the small fire on my stove to the raging fires of Hell, but bear with me.
I was so sad when I had to throw so much spinach away for a few reasons - I had spent money and time purchasing the spinach, I really wanted to eat the tasty spinach, and I hate seeing food go to waste.
How much more does the Father's heart mourn over those who reject Him?
Even from the beginning, I see the time that God has spent on us in that He specifically took seven whole days to provide creation and set an example. Christ spent over thirty years among a depraved, wretched, and evil world, and He suffered and died to save me from wasting away on earth and from suffering the eternal separation from Him. And God is fighting a spiritual battle that has been raging since the beginning of time, and He continues to battle until the war is done.
Yet, there are still people who choose to rot, and that must break His heart - to know that those He died to save still don't want the restoration He gives, and that He has no choice but to throw it out.
Going back to the story of making my food, I'd like to mention that I was still able to eat a spinach and cheese omelette because amid the rotten spinach were a few leaves that were good. Honestly, I celebrated a little inside each time I was able to toss a single leaf onto the eggs. And this parallels to the Father's heart, too, in that with every believer who is faithful despite the rotten world, He will rejoice and welcome each and every person who believed in Him.
As cheesy (pun intended) as this everyday situation may be, I still think it parallels God's heart well. There are so many people who refuse to believe in a God that would send people to Hell, but the reality is that that's not what God initially created. He created everyone, and the Son died for everyone, and the Holy Spirit was revealed, but only those who believe are accepted because God cannot be with those who are unholy in the similar way that I cannot eat rotten food. And with every person who rejects Him, God mourns because of all the work that went into that one person's life.
How will you and I live in light of the love and effort God has instilled in us and to those who don't understand the Father's heart?
How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
With wounds which mar the chosen one
Bring many sons to glory
Thursday, September 4, 2014
The Stares
Oh how they would stare.
Over the summer, I was tremendously blessed when I was given the opportunity to travel to Japan. Before I even departed, many people told me that I would look different - that people would know that I am "gaijin," or a foreigner. I figured that I would look different, but little did I know just HOW different I would appear.
In Japan, there were several occasions in which children would just stare. And stare. And stare... One girl stood on the sidewalk across from us and just stared for at least three minutes; the stares came again when a boy at the train station stared with his mouth agape; children going to school took a double-take when they saw us on the street.
Oh how they would stare.
The act of staring being rude is not an American cultural idiosyncrasy - it's rude in Japan, too. But their manners were immediately overridden by the curiosity swirling in their minds, "You look sort of Japanese. But then again, you sort of don't," "You look Japanese, but you dress funny," "You have a Japanese last name, but you speak English and not-so-great Japanese," "You're different."
1 Peter 2:11-12 - "Dear friends, I urge you as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires which wage war against your soul. Live such good lives amongst the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us."
I am an obvious outsider to Japan, but when I take a panorama of the larger scheme of things, I realize that I am not only a foreigner to people geographically, but also spiritually. The calling I have to live a life set apart, holy, from others is so great that those around me shouldn't be able to help but stare. "Your life looks sort of like mine. But then again, it sort of doesn't," "You look like everyone else, but you dress funny," "You speak like others, but you don't use the same words or tone," "You're different."
And that difference is what effects all the difference. So bring on the stares because they just might see something more than you.
How will you be a foreigner today?
Over the summer, I was tremendously blessed when I was given the opportunity to travel to Japan. Before I even departed, many people told me that I would look different - that people would know that I am "gaijin," or a foreigner. I figured that I would look different, but little did I know just HOW different I would appear.
In Japan, there were several occasions in which children would just stare. And stare. And stare... One girl stood on the sidewalk across from us and just stared for at least three minutes; the stares came again when a boy at the train station stared with his mouth agape; children going to school took a double-take when they saw us on the street.
Oh how they would stare.
The act of staring being rude is not an American cultural idiosyncrasy - it's rude in Japan, too. But their manners were immediately overridden by the curiosity swirling in their minds, "You look sort of Japanese. But then again, you sort of don't," "You look Japanese, but you dress funny," "You have a Japanese last name, but you speak English and not-so-great Japanese," "You're different."
1 Peter 2:11-12 - "Dear friends, I urge you as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires which wage war against your soul. Live such good lives amongst the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us."
I am an obvious outsider to Japan, but when I take a panorama of the larger scheme of things, I realize that I am not only a foreigner to people geographically, but also spiritually. The calling I have to live a life set apart, holy, from others is so great that those around me shouldn't be able to help but stare. "Your life looks sort of like mine. But then again, it sort of doesn't," "You look like everyone else, but you dress funny," "You speak like others, but you don't use the same words or tone," "You're different."
And that difference is what effects all the difference. So bring on the stares because they just might see something more than you.
How will you be a foreigner today?
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Feeling like a David (if I can have the honor of saying that)
Psalm 23
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.
God, I've read this so many times. Again?
Wait. That's a thesis statement - "I shall not be in want."
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
You've sure been doing that to me this week. With Dad in Africa for work, and Mom so sick she can barely be out of the house for an hour, you are definitely making me lie down. In pushing me to face a resemblance of my greatest fear, my parents dying, I'm practically in a casket with my arms crossed.
IN GREEN PASTURES
Wait, not a casket?
He leads me beside quiet waters.
God, I'm worn, and you know all my complaints which cause me to see these waters as more turbulent than still.
...
Remember your retreat?
Yes, oh God, it feels like it was a month ago.
Recall the passion in my sanctuary with the jumping and singing. Remember the tranquility and my being in the morning prayer, with your brothers and sisters in Christ in a circle praying for one another. Look back on the vulnerability and openness in cabin time. Remember I am always.
...
You restore my soul.
You are restoring my soul. Let me not be in want.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Thank you for giving me the energy and focus to keep awake and energized while we sit together. Thank you for giving me enough energy to do some more chores that need to be done. Let me not be in want.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me.
Help me to not fear anything - death, sickness, distance, evil; let me be assured that nothing else in all creation can separate me from you, and that in you, I shall not be in want.
You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies.
Enemies? Fear. Doubt. Anxiety. Unworthiness. God, nothing can rip me from you, so let me feel you being with me. Thank you for overcoming all of these and more, for showing me I am more than these and am worthy to eat the yummy food while they can't.
You anoint my head with oil.
You remind me of all of the sacrifices you made for me, and you approve of me. You give me the privilege of being able to represent you and shine your light.
My cup overflows.
And to know that your love surpasses all knowledge - that I may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God - that is, you flood me over.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever; therefore,
I shall not be in want.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Psalm 23:2
Psalm 23 - "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."
I got upset when I read this. Don't worry, it wasn't the whole chapter; it was only five words. "He makes me lie down." Might I rephrase this? "He forces me to be still."
As lazy as I am, I realize that I'm not very good at just "being." I relish efficiency, and most times being still is just not something that I do. On the flip side, I see the need to realize that God's power enables me to find comfort in "being." In my state of abiding in Him, I can finally see myself and see something. No longer is my reflection an image of decay in the absence of good - a lack of beauty, faith, hope, and love. But instead, there's a person who's cherished, held, cared for, loved, understood, and ultimately His. It's a relief to not have to see the lack of what could be, but conversely be able to see what's already there - what is being.
And with that, I have to be thankful that He would force me to be still to understand the sovereignty of His plan of having me "abide" in Him - to understand that He is not a part of me, but that I am a part of Him, and apart from Him, I can do nothing.
I got upset when I read this. Don't worry, it wasn't the whole chapter; it was only five words. "He makes me lie down." Might I rephrase this? "He forces me to be still."
As lazy as I am, I realize that I'm not very good at just "being." I relish efficiency, and most times being still is just not something that I do. On the flip side, I see the need to realize that God's power enables me to find comfort in "being." In my state of abiding in Him, I can finally see myself and see something. No longer is my reflection an image of decay in the absence of good - a lack of beauty, faith, hope, and love. But instead, there's a person who's cherished, held, cared for, loved, understood, and ultimately His. It's a relief to not have to see the lack of what could be, but conversely be able to see what's already there - what is being.
And with that, I have to be thankful that He would force me to be still to understand the sovereignty of His plan of having me "abide" in Him - to understand that He is not a part of me, but that I am a part of Him, and apart from Him, I can do nothing.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
The Debilitating Disease of Sin
I'm sick.
I rolled out of bed at 12:30 to take my temperature and see my 101.5° fever.
I hate being sick.
But like having insomnia, being sick also gives me more time to spend in the Word. I've been trying to go through the Pentateuch, and I'm currently in Numbers. In the passages that I read, I consistently see the pride and ungratefulness that the Israelites give God, and how awful it is to be in that place.
In sickness, I realize that while I don't feel all that bad, it still affects me in that during this time, I can't make a lot of progress with my day because all I want to do is lie in bed. I also perceive outward stimuli with a skewed view in that it's currently 80° in my house, but I'm wearing a long sleeve shirt and sweats. And I can't go anywhere because I'm contagious. It's a frustrating process to be mired and confined by all of the proceeding reasons.
Then I realize the blessings of being sick. While I abhor being sick, I realize why he designed our bodies to respond to foreign stimuli in these ways. Sin and sickness affect different areas of your life, but they affect them identically. In sin, I can't make any progress with my growth in the Lord because I come to Him a prideful sinner trying to be with a holy God. I can't read my Bible with an open heart or give any kind of worship to Him because I'm still broken. I look at things around me with a distorted perception because I look at the world through the eyes of the law and punishment instead of love. Additionally, sin is contagious, and if I try to get others to partake in the same sin, I just feel worse.
However, the light at the end of the tunnel is that if I take the medicine of calling on the Lord, I am healed and am able to see all of the ways in which he's saved me. When I'm in a sorry state, I realize how much I need Him and how weak I am on my own. You never know what you have until it's gone. Until you have a sore throat, you didn't know how blessed you are to have one that doesn't hurt. And with this corrected view, I better understand God's sovereignty and goodness.
I rolled out of bed at 12:30 to take my temperature and see my 101.5° fever.
I hate being sick.
But like having insomnia, being sick also gives me more time to spend in the Word. I've been trying to go through the Pentateuch, and I'm currently in Numbers. In the passages that I read, I consistently see the pride and ungratefulness that the Israelites give God, and how awful it is to be in that place.
In sickness, I realize that while I don't feel all that bad, it still affects me in that during this time, I can't make a lot of progress with my day because all I want to do is lie in bed. I also perceive outward stimuli with a skewed view in that it's currently 80° in my house, but I'm wearing a long sleeve shirt and sweats. And I can't go anywhere because I'm contagious. It's a frustrating process to be mired and confined by all of the proceeding reasons.
Then I realize the blessings of being sick. While I abhor being sick, I realize why he designed our bodies to respond to foreign stimuli in these ways. Sin and sickness affect different areas of your life, but they affect them identically. In sin, I can't make any progress with my growth in the Lord because I come to Him a prideful sinner trying to be with a holy God. I can't read my Bible with an open heart or give any kind of worship to Him because I'm still broken. I look at things around me with a distorted perception because I look at the world through the eyes of the law and punishment instead of love. Additionally, sin is contagious, and if I try to get others to partake in the same sin, I just feel worse.
However, the light at the end of the tunnel is that if I take the medicine of calling on the Lord, I am healed and am able to see all of the ways in which he's saved me. When I'm in a sorry state, I realize how much I need Him and how weak I am on my own. You never know what you have until it's gone. Until you have a sore throat, you didn't know how blessed you are to have one that doesn't hurt. And with this corrected view, I better understand God's sovereignty and goodness.
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