Oh how they would stare.
Over the summer, I was tremendously blessed when I was given the opportunity to travel to Japan. Before I even departed, many people told me that I would look different - that people would know that I am "gaijin," or a foreigner. I figured that I would look different, but little did I know just HOW different I would appear.
In Japan, there were several occasions in which children would just stare. And stare. And stare... One girl stood on the sidewalk across from us and just stared for at least three minutes; the stares came again when a boy at the train station stared with his mouth agape; children going to school took a double-take when they saw us on the street.
Oh how they would stare.
The act of staring being rude is not an American cultural idiosyncrasy - it's rude in Japan, too. But their manners were immediately overridden by the curiosity swirling in their minds, "You look sort of Japanese. But then again, you sort of don't," "You look Japanese, but you dress funny," "You have a Japanese last name, but you speak English and not-so-great Japanese," "You're different."
1 Peter 2:11-12 - "Dear friends, I urge you as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires which wage war against your soul. Live such good lives amongst the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us."
I am an obvious outsider to Japan, but when I take a panorama of the larger scheme of things, I realize that I am not only a foreigner to people geographically, but also spiritually. The calling I have to live a life set apart, holy, from others is so great that those around me shouldn't be able to help but stare. "Your life looks sort of like mine. But then again, it sort of doesn't," "You look like everyone else, but you dress funny," "You speak like others, but you don't use the same words or tone," "You're different."
And that difference is what effects all the difference. So bring on the stares because they just might see something more than you.
How will you be a foreigner today?
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Feeling like a David (if I can have the honor of saying that)
Psalm 23
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.
God, I've read this so many times. Again?
Wait. That's a thesis statement - "I shall not be in want."
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
You've sure been doing that to me this week. With Dad in Africa for work, and Mom so sick she can barely be out of the house for an hour, you are definitely making me lie down. In pushing me to face a resemblance of my greatest fear, my parents dying, I'm practically in a casket with my arms crossed.
IN GREEN PASTURES
Wait, not a casket?
He leads me beside quiet waters.
God, I'm worn, and you know all my complaints which cause me to see these waters as more turbulent than still.
...
Remember your retreat?
Yes, oh God, it feels like it was a month ago.
Recall the passion in my sanctuary with the jumping and singing. Remember the tranquility and my being in the morning prayer, with your brothers and sisters in Christ in a circle praying for one another. Look back on the vulnerability and openness in cabin time. Remember I am always.
...
You restore my soul.
You are restoring my soul. Let me not be in want.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Thank you for giving me the energy and focus to keep awake and energized while we sit together. Thank you for giving me enough energy to do some more chores that need to be done. Let me not be in want.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me.
Help me to not fear anything - death, sickness, distance, evil; let me be assured that nothing else in all creation can separate me from you, and that in you, I shall not be in want.
You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies.
Enemies? Fear. Doubt. Anxiety. Unworthiness. God, nothing can rip me from you, so let me feel you being with me. Thank you for overcoming all of these and more, for showing me I am more than these and am worthy to eat the yummy food while they can't.
You anoint my head with oil.
You remind me of all of the sacrifices you made for me, and you approve of me. You give me the privilege of being able to represent you and shine your light.
My cup overflows.
And to know that your love surpasses all knowledge - that I may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God - that is, you flood me over.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever; therefore,
I shall not be in want.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Psalm 23:2
Psalm 23 - "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."
I got upset when I read this. Don't worry, it wasn't the whole chapter; it was only five words. "He makes me lie down." Might I rephrase this? "He forces me to be still."
As lazy as I am, I realize that I'm not very good at just "being." I relish efficiency, and most times being still is just not something that I do. On the flip side, I see the need to realize that God's power enables me to find comfort in "being." In my state of abiding in Him, I can finally see myself and see something. No longer is my reflection an image of decay in the absence of good - a lack of beauty, faith, hope, and love. But instead, there's a person who's cherished, held, cared for, loved, understood, and ultimately His. It's a relief to not have to see the lack of what could be, but conversely be able to see what's already there - what is being.
And with that, I have to be thankful that He would force me to be still to understand the sovereignty of His plan of having me "abide" in Him - to understand that He is not a part of me, but that I am a part of Him, and apart from Him, I can do nothing.
I got upset when I read this. Don't worry, it wasn't the whole chapter; it was only five words. "He makes me lie down." Might I rephrase this? "He forces me to be still."
As lazy as I am, I realize that I'm not very good at just "being." I relish efficiency, and most times being still is just not something that I do. On the flip side, I see the need to realize that God's power enables me to find comfort in "being." In my state of abiding in Him, I can finally see myself and see something. No longer is my reflection an image of decay in the absence of good - a lack of beauty, faith, hope, and love. But instead, there's a person who's cherished, held, cared for, loved, understood, and ultimately His. It's a relief to not have to see the lack of what could be, but conversely be able to see what's already there - what is being.
And with that, I have to be thankful that He would force me to be still to understand the sovereignty of His plan of having me "abide" in Him - to understand that He is not a part of me, but that I am a part of Him, and apart from Him, I can do nothing.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
The Debilitating Disease of Sin
I'm sick.
I rolled out of bed at 12:30 to take my temperature and see my 101.5° fever.
I hate being sick.
But like having insomnia, being sick also gives me more time to spend in the Word. I've been trying to go through the Pentateuch, and I'm currently in Numbers. In the passages that I read, I consistently see the pride and ungratefulness that the Israelites give God, and how awful it is to be in that place.
In sickness, I realize that while I don't feel all that bad, it still affects me in that during this time, I can't make a lot of progress with my day because all I want to do is lie in bed. I also perceive outward stimuli with a skewed view in that it's currently 80° in my house, but I'm wearing a long sleeve shirt and sweats. And I can't go anywhere because I'm contagious. It's a frustrating process to be mired and confined by all of the proceeding reasons.
Then I realize the blessings of being sick. While I abhor being sick, I realize why he designed our bodies to respond to foreign stimuli in these ways. Sin and sickness affect different areas of your life, but they affect them identically. In sin, I can't make any progress with my growth in the Lord because I come to Him a prideful sinner trying to be with a holy God. I can't read my Bible with an open heart or give any kind of worship to Him because I'm still broken. I look at things around me with a distorted perception because I look at the world through the eyes of the law and punishment instead of love. Additionally, sin is contagious, and if I try to get others to partake in the same sin, I just feel worse.
However, the light at the end of the tunnel is that if I take the medicine of calling on the Lord, I am healed and am able to see all of the ways in which he's saved me. When I'm in a sorry state, I realize how much I need Him and how weak I am on my own. You never know what you have until it's gone. Until you have a sore throat, you didn't know how blessed you are to have one that doesn't hurt. And with this corrected view, I better understand God's sovereignty and goodness.
I rolled out of bed at 12:30 to take my temperature and see my 101.5° fever.
I hate being sick.
But like having insomnia, being sick also gives me more time to spend in the Word. I've been trying to go through the Pentateuch, and I'm currently in Numbers. In the passages that I read, I consistently see the pride and ungratefulness that the Israelites give God, and how awful it is to be in that place.
In sickness, I realize that while I don't feel all that bad, it still affects me in that during this time, I can't make a lot of progress with my day because all I want to do is lie in bed. I also perceive outward stimuli with a skewed view in that it's currently 80° in my house, but I'm wearing a long sleeve shirt and sweats. And I can't go anywhere because I'm contagious. It's a frustrating process to be mired and confined by all of the proceeding reasons.
Then I realize the blessings of being sick. While I abhor being sick, I realize why he designed our bodies to respond to foreign stimuli in these ways. Sin and sickness affect different areas of your life, but they affect them identically. In sin, I can't make any progress with my growth in the Lord because I come to Him a prideful sinner trying to be with a holy God. I can't read my Bible with an open heart or give any kind of worship to Him because I'm still broken. I look at things around me with a distorted perception because I look at the world through the eyes of the law and punishment instead of love. Additionally, sin is contagious, and if I try to get others to partake in the same sin, I just feel worse.
However, the light at the end of the tunnel is that if I take the medicine of calling on the Lord, I am healed and am able to see all of the ways in which he's saved me. When I'm in a sorry state, I realize how much I need Him and how weak I am on my own. You never know what you have until it's gone. Until you have a sore throat, you didn't know how blessed you are to have one that doesn't hurt. And with this corrected view, I better understand God's sovereignty and goodness.
Friday, June 27, 2014
My Forgiveness Only with Sacrifice
Due to my jet-lag of coming home from out of the country two days ago, I have a terrible case of insomnia. But with this lack of ability to sleep, it surely gives me time to think and dwell on myself and on Him. But honestly, I still wish I were asleep.
Anyways.
Hebrews 10:18 - "And where these have been forgiven, sacrifice for sin is no longer necessary."
"I forgive you."
Guilt is something that has followed me all of my life. Looking back on days both distant and recent, I can recall times where I felt bad for something that I did, and then turned around and punished myself for it in a wholly separate occasion.
When I was around six, I remember it was my mom's birthday, and I had a play date with the next-door neighbor, whose name was in a song that I thought was fun to sing. She didn't particularly appreciate it, but she also didn't seem to be all that upset. After we went our ways, my mom explained to me that my friend didn't like me singing her name, and gently reminded me that in the future, I should stop. I felt incredibly remorseful, and I think I probably almost cried. Later when I made my mom her birthday card, I put my friend on the card in preference to myself. When my mom read the letter, she was confused and asked why I hadn't drawn myself on the card. I could only reply that I felt bad about singing to my friend, and thus I put her on it instead.
Was this irrational? Completely.
If you didn't follow that because it just didn't make sense, I can't blame you (and I'm sure my lack of sleep didn't help).
To people who have only met me in the past five years (give or take a couple), one probably would have never guessed I was and still am (although to a lesser extent), this sensitive and have such guilt issues. But if I could pin point one major negative characteristic of mine that has shaped me the most, it might be guilt.
I could attribute my guilt to several different causes - being Japanese-American, being an only child, being a perfectionist, etc. But I now can't deny that it truly comes nowhere other than the devil himself. While I am thankful that God has blessed me richly with so many good things like success, culture, and independence, I know that I mortify them into things of evil. And being ashamed for the things that He gives is not what He intended for me to do.
So how do all of these things come together to fit with the verse?
Only by God's grace, do I realize that God's grace covers me, and I don't have to be ashamed for my wrongs. I don't have to self-inflict myself into a state of guilt that requires me to sacrifice the nothingness I have to offer him. While I understand that the context of this passage is about Levitical laws and the animal sacrifices of the Old Testament, I am convinced that God's sovereignty in his word choice envelops this type of sacrifice as well.
Oh, I'm letting go of my yesterday
Grab a hold free in your grace to live
There's no more guilt
I know that I've been forgiven
Hello new mercies
Hello every morning
Every day I live
Is another day I know that I've been forgiven
[KB feat. Suzy Rock "Forgiven"]
Anyways.
Hebrews 10:18 - "And where these have been forgiven, sacrifice for sin is no longer necessary."
"I forgive you."
Guilt is something that has followed me all of my life. Looking back on days both distant and recent, I can recall times where I felt bad for something that I did, and then turned around and punished myself for it in a wholly separate occasion.
When I was around six, I remember it was my mom's birthday, and I had a play date with the next-door neighbor, whose name was in a song that I thought was fun to sing. She didn't particularly appreciate it, but she also didn't seem to be all that upset. After we went our ways, my mom explained to me that my friend didn't like me singing her name, and gently reminded me that in the future, I should stop. I felt incredibly remorseful, and I think I probably almost cried. Later when I made my mom her birthday card, I put my friend on the card in preference to myself. When my mom read the letter, she was confused and asked why I hadn't drawn myself on the card. I could only reply that I felt bad about singing to my friend, and thus I put her on it instead.
Was this irrational? Completely.
If you didn't follow that because it just didn't make sense, I can't blame you (and I'm sure my lack of sleep didn't help).
To people who have only met me in the past five years (give or take a couple), one probably would have never guessed I was and still am (although to a lesser extent), this sensitive and have such guilt issues. But if I could pin point one major negative characteristic of mine that has shaped me the most, it might be guilt.
I could attribute my guilt to several different causes - being Japanese-American, being an only child, being a perfectionist, etc. But I now can't deny that it truly comes nowhere other than the devil himself. While I am thankful that God has blessed me richly with so many good things like success, culture, and independence, I know that I mortify them into things of evil. And being ashamed for the things that He gives is not what He intended for me to do.
So how do all of these things come together to fit with the verse?
Only by God's grace, do I realize that God's grace covers me, and I don't have to be ashamed for my wrongs. I don't have to self-inflict myself into a state of guilt that requires me to sacrifice the nothingness I have to offer him. While I understand that the context of this passage is about Levitical laws and the animal sacrifices of the Old Testament, I am convinced that God's sovereignty in his word choice envelops this type of sacrifice as well.
Oh, I'm letting go of my yesterday
Grab a hold free in your grace to live
There's no more guilt
I know that I've been forgiven
Hello new mercies
Hello every morning
Every day I live
Is another day I know that I've been forgiven
[KB feat. Suzy Rock "Forgiven"]
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Lovely Contrasts
Some unbelievers may say that Christians are stupid because they believe in the flowery, loving aspect of God, and yet fail to acknowledge the powerful, fearful one of the Old Testament. It’s extremely hard to justify the feared, distant God of Moses with the loving, intimate Father recorded in the book of John.
But the two seemingly opposite perspectives just prove the power and the significance of the turning point, the climax, of the Bible – Jesus Christ. The cross is the bridge that covers the distance between us and God, and so it brought us close. The cross is what fulfills the penalty imposed by justice so that we can receive God’s mercy.
The reason why God appeared to be a God of wrath in the Old Testament was because we violated His law. This created a humongous impediment in being with God because God is a God of justice. But that precedent of being a just God allows him to be a merciful God. You can’t have mercy without first knowing justice, and you can’t have close intimacy without first knowing distance. You can’t see the change in something unless you know what it was like before.
Also keep in mind that as soon as we went against God’s law, God himself immediately gave us the promise of a Savior (Genesis 3:15). He gave us a promise of redemption in the Old Testament while still that “mean” God.
And so ultimately, because of the power, justice, mercy, and love of the cross, we see the big picture. We see the layer of God’s character that was beneath the strength. We finally get to see the love of God because without love, there would be no cross. And without the cross, there would be no love.
Matthew 5:17
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